The Retro Critic


Movie crossovers…

The problem with stuff like Freddy vs Jason, Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus or Alien vs Predator is that there’s really no one to root for. I mean, how much can you really get behind a villain? Let alone two of them!

Fighting each other!

RoboCop vs The Terminator gets we need a hero in there, regardless of whether both robo-dudes make sense in the same universe or not.

Los Angeles, Detroit: potato, potahto.

Past, present, future…

Three more potatoes spelt in various other ways.

Not only is it a genuinely retro-gasmic concept, the very mention of it prompting mind-boners the likes of which you only dream of as a kid, but it’s one hell of a game!

On the Genesis, that is.

Yes there is a Master System version but it lacks the punch of its 16-bit big brother, which is the one I personally used to play. The SNES version has a bit of a different plot and more cartoonish graphics making it a decent version to play through but not quite gritty or ruthless enough on the whole.

Right off the bat, RoboCop vs The Terminator doesn’t mess around: you get to choose your difficulty ranging from Killer (very hard), Hard and Normal but if you choose to go Easy on your first go, the game makes you select “Wimpy” as a difficulty and that’s just emasculating right there. I mean, it’s not like Wimpy is a walk in the park either! The whole game is pretty hard whatever you choose!

But back to the logistics of this glorious crossover. How exactly do  you make something like RoboCop vs The Terminator make sense? How do you make it plausible?

“Something” lol

How do you “lure” RoboCop?

I see…




Fan fiction has never felt this good.

Ok, I know the plot sounds kinda convoluted but the game is simplicity itself: Walk around, shoot everywhere. That’s pretty much it.

That said, it’s by no means an easy ride. I mean, I remember ED-209 popping up only about halfway through the game and taking me AGES to beat. I thought he was the final boss, how wrong I was…

You essentially have to fully dismantle the guy before he finally croaks.

He’s like a machine!

_ _’

This is one bloody-ass game and it certainly isn’t afraid to spill a bit of blood in the name of awesomeness.


Totally gratuitous, totally epic.

You also get to set people on fire…

Hop around…

Even be on TV!

It’s loads of fun.

There’s plenty of supercool weapons to pick up all over the game, secret levels to stumble upon, not to mention a whole bunch of Terminators to battle!

By the way, remember how RoboCop is actually like the least flexible robot ever? Well, here he retains the mechanical stiffness we all know and love but also kicks all kinds of robo-butts! The controls are smooth, allowing you to shoot anywhere, climb ladders, hang off pipes, you name it. But really what makes the game is its testosterone-fueled mix of rockin’ music, bombastic sound effects and cool, bloody graphics. It just gets everything right making this one of the most addictive games I’ve played.

There’s only one thing that I can think of that could potentially make this game cooler than it already is…

But that would be silly. It would feel FORCEd.

_ _’

I like how the closer you get to the final boss, the better you get and the easier it becomes to burst through pure mayhem all guns blazin’.

The final boss?



Yeah, good luck with that last level by the way. Talk about a clusterf***…

Overall, there isn’t much to say about RoboCop vs The Terminator except that it certainly lives up to its mouth-watering title. Playing through it is completely satisfying as you plow your way past countless faceless dudes…

(or, if you’re playing the SNES version: busty ladies…)

… and countless intimidating-as-hell robots, most of which are a real pain to kill. You’re constantly blowing things up, shooting down everything and anything (even stuff in the background!), it’s just a solid, fun side-scrolling shooter and THE best movie never made.

All in a day’s work.

I mean, both franchises could do with a boost and it doesn’t look like that RoboCop remake’s gonna be any good so why not do what The Avengers did and fan-service the crap out of us?

I already have the poster:

()) (    vs    }]-(

Just sayin’.