Top 10 Babies in Video Games
Usually when I begin a list I have some sort of reasoning as to why I decided to write a particular list, this time I don’t have that. No one I know is pregnant, and even though I’m late, I don’t think I have a bun in my oven either. My only guess is that it’s a New Year, and the symbol of the New Year is a baby, but even that is a stretch. Nevertheless, I just decided to count down the top 10 babies in video games.
I really have nothing else, or no other reasons so let’s deliver this list already.
Honorable Mention.) Babalities
While not a specific baby in a video game I had to include the babalities from the Mortal Kombat series, but more specifically from Mortal Kombat 3 on this list. When you destroy someone in Mortal Kombat you can humiliate them with a Friendship, Animality, or Fatality, but the greatest sign of disrespect is the Babality.
If you don’t already know that babality is when you turn your opponent into a baby. This is Mortal Kombat, a game about fighting and murder, but your opponent is so terrible instead of killing them, you make them relive their life as an ugly baby.
GooGoo from Clayfighter 2: Judgement Clay reminds me a lot of Baby Herman from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. They are both adult-like and crude beings in cute baby bodies.
GooGoo is a giant baby, who fights in front of a toy store with other giant babies. Some of these giant babies are wearing prison outfits while others are living the thug-life. GooGoo himself enjoys playing pool and the ladies. When GooGoo fights he has a wicked uppercut, throws a bottle, or does a headbutt (which is extremely dangerous, because babies have soft spots on their heads). When he wins the tournament he will have nap time for everyone.
9.) Baby Head
Baby Head is a member of the Captain Commando squad. Captain Commando is an often overlooked Capcom beat-em-up that is full of ninjas, mummies, robots, and awesomeness.
Baby Head is a genius baby who pilots a robot-mech suit that he designed. The robot suit is quick and strong enough to go through hoards of villains. The coolest thing about Baby Head aka Baby Commando is that the suit he’s piloting has a neverending supply of missiles because missiles are constantly being made inside its legs.
Also he’s a super smart baby… so there’s that.
8.) Chuck Junior
I’m surprised I haven’t talked about the Chuck Rock series a lot already. I love it, and when I finally count down the top 10 cavemen in gaming expect the original Chuck to make an appearance. This time we’re talking about Chuck Junior though.
Chuck Junior is the star Chuck Rock II: Son of Chuck. In this game, Chuck Rock has been kidnapped because he is quite good at making automobiles made of stone. His competition kidnaps him because they want him out of the way. It’s up to Chuck’s son, Chuck Junior to save his father and defeat the evil minions of his father’s rival.
Chuck Junior takes everything from the original game and makes it better. He beats things up with a club, solves some puzzles, all to a great jazzy soundtrack.
I’m not surprised if you never heard Junior or the game Junior is from, CarnEvil. CarnEvil was an on rails shooter only released for arcades. It was released on Halloween in 1998 by Midway Games and it absolutely terrifying. If you thought House of the Dead was terrifying you never played CarnEvil. This game is full of blood and disturbing images. It was LOOSELY based off of the film Carnival of Souls.
Since this is an on-rails shooter, you are pushed from location to location shooting random demonic/carny-like enemies before they get a chance to attack you. You will go through four different themed level shooting everything in sight culminating in a final boss battle.
One section of the game is filled with Freaks and the boss of that section is Junior. Junior is a giant malformed baby that’s made up of different body parts sewn together, similar to Frankenstein’s monster. This giant baby will attempt to crush and vomit on the player if not defeated fast enough. Junior is a bloody and disgusting mess, and definitely a baby only its mother could love.
We are going really obscure with this entry. Upa is from the Japanese only Famicom game, Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa. How do I know about this game? The Wii’s Virtual Console and online videos.
The story of this game is just insane. I cannot even paraphrase it, instead I’m just going to copy and paste. “Upa is the prince of a magical kingdom and the most recent in a line of brave fighters. One day, though, he broke an urn containing the spirit of Zai, an incredibly evil goatish demon who takes the life force of the kingdom’s adults and kidnaps all the babies – except for Upa, who is given a magical rattle by a fairy who was trapped in the urn along with Zai. And so, in order to save his kingdom, Upa crawls into action…” That is some crazy shit.
You play as Upa in this game. Upa attacks using a magical rattle that inflated enemies. Inflated enemies can be used as platforms or as a weapon that will bounce from place to place damaging you or your enemies. If you need a baby to save the day, it should be a badass baby like Upa.
5.) Bon Bonne
Bon Bonne is the youngest member of the Bonne family, but by far the biggest, strongest, and cutest. The Bonne’s are a group of pirates who steal treasure in the Megaman Legends games. They’re sometimes allies, but mostly antagonists to Mega Man. Tron Bonne is the most popular with her appearances in the MvC series, but Bon Bonne is the one I want to talk about.
Similar to Baby Head, Bon Bonne is a baby inside of a giant mech robot, but I don’t think Bon Bonne is a genius. Tron built the machinery, and Bon can only say “Babuu”. However, the other Bonnes can understand him somehow.
Nevertheless, Bon Bonne is a tough opponent. His mech suit has interchangeable parts that can be swapped out if the situation calls for it. He can attack with missiles, a powerful clap, mega-punches, a giant drill head, and much more. He’s quite threatening.
4.) Donkey Kong Jr.
We’re not talking about just human babies on this list. Any species of babies can make an appearance. Donkey Kong jr, who may or may not be the current Donkey Kong or something… I don’t really know, the continuity is all screwed up.
In the game Donkey Kong Junior you take the role of Donkey Kong’s son. Your quest is to traverse the levels in order to save your father. Who’s the evil villain who kidnapped your father? None other than Mario aka Jumpman.
That’s right! The hero and god of video games, Mario, is actually the antagonist of this game. The only baby to have the gonads to go against Mario is Donkey Kong Junior and that solidifies his spot on this list.
3.) Baby Mario
Baby Mario had to make an appearance on this list somewhere. Even though Donkey Kong Junior stood up to Mario, Baby Mario is far superior. This is because Baby Mario has an army of Yoshi’s under his command and defies the space time continuum.
Baby Mario made his debut in Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island. In this game, Baby Mario is being hunted by Baby Bowser and Kamek. Meanwhile, Baby Mario is on a quest to save Baby Luigi. How does Baby Mario save the day? By having an army of Yoshis carry you across an island and sacrificing their babies (eggs) to defeat waves of enemies. He’s a baby with his own race of slaves.
In addition, Baby Mario has made several appearances in other games alongside his older self. How does this happen without the universe exploding? I have no idea.
2.) Titanic Toddler
Zombies Ate My Neighbors is by far one of my favorite games ever made. If you don’t already know, it’s a top down shooter where your goal is to save all of your neighbors from zombies and other horror clichés. The game has fun but challenging gameplay, great music/atmosphere, and is just tons of fun.
There are also bosses in the game. There are two really annoying spider bosses, but those are for another day. Today in the number two spot, I’m putting in the first boss of the game here… Titanic Toddler.
When the level begins you see it’s called Titanic Toddler, but you don’t see it right away. You hear the toddler, and feel its presence. You make your way through the level and open a door then there it is. A giant baby is running across the screen at a quick speed trampling things and spilling toxic milk everywhere. This thing is frightening, disturbing and quite tough unless you have the monster potion.
Besides all that, the Titanic Toddler is just memorable. This stage will live on in my mind forever.
1.) Baby Metroid
I’m quite depressed that I don’t get to talk about the Metroid series that often. As a list writer I often mention RPGs, Mario, or other common games but Metroid always seems to be forgotten. Just like how Nintendo forgot about Metroid! Aww… now I’m sad.
One of the best in the series has to be Super Metroid. It took all the great things about the original game and made them better. Super Metroid has fantastic graphics, atmosphere, music, gameplay, and everything.
At the end of Metroid II, Samus finds an infant Metroid that hatches and thinks Samus is its mother. There will be spoilers from here on out. Super Metroid takes place right after Metroid II. The baby Metroid was taken by scientists to experiment on, but Ridley, the leader of the Space Pirates, broke in and captured the baby Metroid. Samus must now rescue the baby, and defeat Ridley and Mother Brain.
At the end of the game Mother Brain is looming over Samus’ defeated body and all hope seems lost. When suddenly the baby Metroid bursts in and saps energy from Mother Brain and gives it to Samus. It’s truly an epic moment that must be seen to be appreciated.