GMZ – #2-15 – A Letter to the Fans
A Letter to the Fans
It’s Daniel. I don’t have much time to spare. They might come any minute, but I figured I need to get the word out to you. Pierre and I are being pursued by an elite, high level cabal of video game figures and the nefarious organization they control. Word on the street is they are upset about us publishing completely truthful articles that have cast their companies/games/families/stupid, ugly faces in a negative light, so they are coming after us. You may have seen that several former GMZ reporters and subjects have gone missing or been murdered in recent weeks: these incidents, we believe, are the work of this organization.
As such, Pierre and I feel it is best, for the safety of our legions of devoted and possibly martyrous fans, that we end GMZ. We know, you all must be wondering: “What are we to do without GMZ, the game industry’s only beacon of truth among a sea of mediocrity and corruption at best, and child labor-using pure evil at worst? What is to become of the world without video game journalism’s last sacred bastion?” Well, reader, we don’t know. It is very likely that without us, the industry will collapse upon itself in a claptrap of lies and terror. Just because GMZ is ending, though, doesn’t mean that we are giving up. Pierre and I are ending GMZ to wage an two-man war against these forces of evil that have come out to threaten us, you, and the industry we love. It’s gonna take everything we have, so as much as we regret the decision, we must retire GMZ to focus our efforts entirely on fighting evil.
No matter where you see us from now on: writing some series about playing video games, interviewing people at conventions, taking care of children, or attending college classes, know that what you are seeing is a ruse. Those superficial actions are a disguise needed to continue our fight against evil to keep you and video games safe. No need to thank us or throw us much deserved parade, just the occasional nod (or maybe following us on Twitter) is sufficient.
I have to leave, now, everyone. Pierre has been outside in the car with a briefcase of nose dildos and a sawed-off, waiting for me to finish this letter. We will see you again. Maybe one day, we will be able to return to the job we love, with the people we love, but for now, there is other work to be done.