By Edward Nigma
“Jumping” Jim Rivers, Motocross enthusiast and star of the Nintendo classic Excitebike, as well as the sequel Excitebike 64, tragically passed away on Saturday due to an engine malfunction on his dirt bike.
By Julian Barnes
The Oxford English Dictionary announced it has added Sonic the Hedgehog to its world renowned pages. A sample of reactions from gamers on social media taken immediately after the announcement showed most were pleased by the announcement as it is more evidence of the mainstream acceptance of video games. As for the definition itself, most were impressed by its accuracy and subtlety. You can find the definition, along with its accompanying image, below:
Hey everyone! It’s Daniel. I know this is late, but things have been a little crazy here around the office. A couple of interns died, and we are busy sorting through the paper work to prove that we are not at fault (I don’t know how the company pool was filled with electric eels, but I certainly didn’t put them in there. And last I checked, interns weren’t allowed to use the company pool). Read More
By Jugem Lakitu
It appears Yoshi’s legal troubles continued this week. After being released on bail several days ago after being arrested and charged with several counts of murder and cannibalism, the green dino laid low for a few days before going on what police are calling a murderous rampage, allegedly eating two witnesses, one of the lawyers for the prosecution, and the reporter who wrote the story we broke about his arrest two weeks ago. He was arrested again at the house of his long-time friend Mario. It is alleged that he was going to try to eat him as well.
By Ken Reporter
Early this morning, T. Yoshisaur Munchakoopas, better known simply as Yoshi, was arrested by the Yoshi Island Police Departement. At a press conference held an hour later, police chief Snufit explained that Yoshi is wanted in connection with the hundreds of disappearances of various Yoshis dating back to the early 90s.
No one in the video game industry was exactly surprised by this. One person we spoke to under condition of anonymity had this to say: “I’va know about-a Yoshi’s, let’s-a say, “strange eating habits” for years. I’va always thought it’s-a weird. Mama mia, who eats-a their own friends and-a familia?!”
By Groose Dampé
Legend of Zelda enthusiasts experienced a rollercoaster of emotions this week as Eric Bailey announced he had allegedly discovered exclusive information about the series’ official timeline.
by Cece Romano
Last week, Shia LaBeouf, famed actor, artist, and paper-bag wearer, opened a new meta-modernist art exhibit. A follow-up to his exhibit #IAMSORRY, the newly titled @IGN consists of LeBeouf sobbing loudly and rolling in a pile of money naked in a small room as people enter. The entrants are them allowed to take an item off a table (a bag of Doritos, a bottle of Mountain Dew, and a copy of the latest Call of Duty) and physically assault LaBeouf with it.
By Pierre Goguen
By Clayton Shefter
Just over a decade after Vick accumulated 500+ combined yards in passing and rushing with ease in Madden 04, Vick received what he calls “the highest honor of my career,” the 2014 recipient of the Golden Pong. Not known for his emotions, a teary-eyed Michael Vick thanked the college and NFL defenses he dominated in the early 2000s and EA Sports for bestowing on him super-human ratings on the one football game where he graced the cover.
By Tom “T-Bone” Stankus
Child Welfare Services have placed the the young Prince and all his cousins in various foster homes and shelters after police across the universe arrested their parents for a multitude of charges ranging from reckless endangerment, child labour, cruelty, and malnutrition.
Special guest reporter Bailey here with a red-hot exclusive scoop. Stop the presses: In the latest Nintendo Direct presentation, CEO Satoru Iwata announced a new title that should usher in a new era of crossovers for the big N systems. Gamers everywhere are reeling from the news, as unbelievable as it sounds, and as ridiculously awesome as it seems – with the release of official company screenshots, there seems little room for doubt. It is coming. It is Super Smash Kart Pokémon Vs Tekken Ware Dream Snap Party Star Turbo.
By Ray Davies
Fans of the classic NES puzzle games Adventures of Lolo might have something to celebrate, depending on how they react to the details of the Lolo reboot. The first game will be called Adventures of Yolo: Quest for Swag. As well, the characters of Lolo and Lala will be combined into Lola. It is not clear if the character will be a transvestite or a transgender person. The game will still be a puzzle game, but instead of moving eggs around to open an exit, your goal will be to pick up sailors and have them leave the club with you. You can expect it for Wii U and 3DS in time for the holidays.
Last night’s Vapor Conference event highlight was definitely Interplay announcing their plans to reboot Earthworm Jim. They revealed that several games are already in production, each with a different celebrity endorsement. 6 games were mentioned, with more expected to be announced in the coming year.
In order to compete with the upcoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie franchise, started by Michael Bay, Rare has announced a partnership with New Line Cinema, for a new movie based on the Battletoads franchise, with the first film being directed by J.J. Abrams. “We’re really excited for the opportunity to both entertain the audiences with fast paced, amphibian action, and also serve a metaphor on the difference between skin conditions,” said New Line Cinema representative, Doug Duglassen, “we are promising ten times more explosions, and half the depth as our competitor.” Rare executives are, “hoping to use the money from this film to buy [themselves] out of Microsoft’s bondage”.
I would like to issue a formal apology for the lateness of this issue of GMZ. It is solely my fault, and I will take responsibility for it, as such. The issue was supposed to be posted Thursday. Wednesday, I entered the hospital with severe testicle pain. The doctor said my balls were just too big. Grossly massive. In his medical opinion, they were “fucking impressive.” I could hardly walk, and I had to stay in the hospital till about 11pm, which didn’t allow me the time I needed to write the articles, as I was away from my phone, computer, or any source of internet. So, on behalf of myself, and my oversized nuts, I apologize for the tardiness of this issue.
– Daniel Lamplugh, GMZ Co-Founder
The man from the small mountain town of Ruto who was rushed to the Rauru Regional Hospital late last night is conscious and in stable condition. Police have questioned him, as he was discovered unconscious in his home by a neighbour, and have ruled out foul play. The man appears to have been working in his home with a bench and a rope and accidentally hung himself. He explained that it was simply an error.
By Homer Foebier
Apparently not satisfied to just let their apology for their extremely poorly worded explanation as to why Tomodachi Life will not have same-sex relationships have any form of calming effect on its fans, Nintendo has announced that many more options will also be unavailable.
“As we said in regards to gay relationships, we aren’t trying to make any form of social commentary here. We’re just looking to broaden our approach and continue developing fun games that will delight and surprise players,” said a Nintendo of America spokesperson. “As we’ve said before, Tomodachi life was intended to be a whimsical and quirky game, and as such we are removing several more options from the game.”
By Compère Corporativa
So apparently, Ubisoft gave a bunch of journalists at a Watch Dogs preview event in the UK a free Google Nexus tablet a couple of weeks ago. People on Twitter and in the comments on the outlets who reported about this got pretty upset. Our very own UK correspondent, Nigel Sheepbottom, was at the event and confirmed that not only did they try to give him the tablet, but he also received a bag, which he left at the event, filled with pink Crayola crayons, a hentai colouring book, marijuana cookies, a jar of marmite, personal lubricant, and, most bizarrely, a Pikachu blow-up sex-doll.